Constantly seeking

So, my friend Mir's blog posting today was about making the choice to be happy. I've heard this kind of thing before, and it is true enough. Not necessarily for people who are facing an actual crisis in their lives--then the choice to be happy may really be elusive, and they can only hang on until better days come. For a large portion of us, the economy is really threatening our well-being. For those who are involuntarily unemployed, times are tough--I don't mean to minimize that.

But how about the other 80% of us?

For many of us, most of the time, life here in America is pretty good. Sure, the job, family, kids, TV season may not be perfect. But we have shelter, we have paychecks, healthy families, do not live in a war zone, and are not at risk of starving if our crops don't come in. It really can be a choice to be happy--these words are true.

They are not easy to follow, though. I am a seeker (no, not the quidditch type, you geeks!)–constantly striving to improve all aspects of my life. I wish my house was cleaner and better organized. My kids could be working harder at school, or participating in more horizon-expanding activities. I could do a better job at work (there is ALWAYS more work to do), or I could try for that next promotion. My marriage, like most, could use more couple time. I should write more poetry, finish that quilt, knit more socks for charity, learn new skills for work and life. I could figure out what Twitter is all about.

I blame/credit much of this outlook on my mother. She was never one to praise her children. I would overhear her brag to her friends on the phone about my report card or a scholarship--but never to me. A report card with all A's would get a somewhat dismissive, "That's nice", and nothing more. No rewards, no ice cream treat, not even a big hug and "Congratulations". The good grades were just expected.

All that hard work does pay off…things are pretty good here. I have a great job, with flexible hours and the ability to do much of my work from home. We own our house. Our family is healthy. We have close friends. I live a pretty darn good life.

So, why am I not happy all the time?

I'm not UNhappy, at least. But all this constant striving and seeking to improve, means I never take time to APPRECIATE. And happiness has to start there.

When I am in a funk, it helps when I take time to count my blessings every day. I don't do this all the time, but when I do, it makes me remember to be grateful for what I do have. More focus on what is good in life, and less on what could still be improved.

My husband also reminds me to take time and appreciate. We are opposites in our life approach. He is more hedonistic, less driven than I am. "Good enough" is more his motto, where mine is "Always room to improve". While we have worked through a lot of the early marital conflict between my drive/ambition, and his more sedate acceptance of things as they are, I believe we have been good for each other. My nagging/motivating has helped him accomplish more than he might have on his own. And he always encourages me to take a break, sit down, enjoy what we have right now. Because it's true--it really IS "good enough".

How's that for a Love Thursday of my own?