Girl Talk: Say It Loud!

Today is the first day back to school after the winter break.  It seems the right day to send out a reminder to all the girls I know, and my friends who are now parents of girls.

When I was in high school, I noticed something odd in geometry class:

• When girls gave an answer out loud, they did it in this tone rising, often phrased like a question more than an answer way, sometimes whispered: "Is it 7?"   
• When boys answered, they answered quickly, confidently, loudly, "7!"

I thought at first, maybe the boys were more confident because they knew the right answer.  Nope.  The confident loud boys were just as likely to be wrong, and the whispery, anxious-sounding girls were just as likely to be right.

Maybe I noticed because we had a woman teacher.  I loved her, and I loved geometry.  I was a bright student, diligent, straight A's, and of course, I almost always knew the right answer.  And because I had noticed this subtle thing about how kids answered questions in math class, I answered strong and loud, with full breath support.

Sounding uncertain of your answer didn't make it any less embarrassing to be wrong.  And when the boys got it wrong, it wasn't any big deal, even if they had answered confidently.  The teacher didn't pick on them, no one laughed at their hubris.  They just offered what they thought was the right answer, got corrected, and we all learned.

And I learned to project myself, which has served me well throughout my life.

I owe inspiration for this post to Bad Mom, Good Mom, the blogger I most want to be.  I came across her post about Admiral Grace Hopper, an interesting woman STEM pioneer.  What really caught my attention, though, was the part about Professor Jenny Harrison (halfway through the post), and her battles in academia as a woman teaching mathematics.

I used to love math as a girl.  I was one of the top math students in my high school, and if not for some poor choices my senior year, I would have expected a career in physics or mathematics.  I could well have been a genius computer programmer, or financial whiz.  Fast forward three decades, and I have come full circle, back in software and accounting but from a different side of things.

I'm not really sorry for the route I've taken.  Reading postings from Geisha School Dropout, I have a feeling I wouldn't have been that happy if I had stayed on that course.  In the road I did take, the times I was in male-dominated fields (sales, consulting, e.g.) were the times I was least happy.  Not because I was harassed--I wasn't.  Not because I wasn't successful (I was sometimes).  Mostly it was the culture.  Very competitive, hardly nurturing.  I'm happy to have lived the life I have, but still I wonder, what if...?

Maturity, where art thou?

So, they say girls mature faster than boys.  Having been a girl, I am willing to prescribe to that sexist generalization.  We had an illustration of it on the first day of school.  Both Teddy and his friend Kay were supposed to be in Band.  Neither of them were assigned to Band in their schedule.

During her first break,  Kay went to the band teacher , whom they both knew from the previous year, and requested his help in fixing her schedule.  She had the right classes and teachers by the end of Day 1.

Teddy, also noticing he was missing Band, completed the first day of wrong schedule, and came home.  When we asked about Band (he didn't volunteer that he'd gotten the wrong class), he told us he figured we (us parents) had missed some deadline over the summer, and he planned to come home and complain to us about the mix-up.

After much reminding and haranguing, Teddy spoke to enough people that he got his schedule straightened out...by Thursday.  He spent 3 days of his first week of school attending the wrong classes.  Yup, 3 of his teachers from Day 1 were no longer his teachers, and he was now 3 days behind in those new classes.

Sigh.  My girlfriend with 2 sons, one graduating high school this year, assures me that while it may appear that boys  take longer to mature, they do eventually catch up.

You know, Jr. High and High School were tough the first time around...

Middle School Dress Code

Oldest is attending Middle School, and along with the novelty of lockers, bell schedule, A, B, and C schedules, he and his friends all must adhere to a dress code.  Not a strict uniform per se, but limited to only black, gray, or white polo shirts.  No logos allowed or printing allowed.

Us newbie parents were curious about how they would enforce this.  Would we get calls in the middle of the day to pick up our child, or bring in the required clothing?  Bribing the children with ice cream, we settled in and peppered them with questions about their first day.

One amusing insight was that students who failed to wear the "school standard dress" were sent to the office by their first period teacher. They were then relieved of their offending T-shirts (to be taken home in backpacks), and given a bright orange T-shirt with "LOANER" printed in big black letters across the chest.  Our offspring estimated about two dozen students (out of 1000) sporting these "shirts of shame" the first day.  Much fewer thereafter I imagine.

Postscript: the prescribed pants are denim (no holes) or khaki.  Oldest had a number of black and dark blue pants, so I picked up some khakis for him.  I noticed today he was wearing black shorts after school, so I asked if anyone pointed out that dress code infraction to him.  He said no one seemed to notice.  Good thing--if you got called for both shirt and pants, and they had matching orange pants, you could look like a prison escapee!

Of course, in a couple of years, these boys will have the pants hanging down much lower.  I wonder if there will be a "school standard dress code" for underwear too?

Where's the White Glove?

One cute Halloween story from last week, which I think also reflects the multi-culturalism of the Bay Area, is when I overheard one of the mothers from Barley's room talking to his classmate.  The boy was wearing a fedora hat, and a cloth blazer.  He could have been taken for almost anything--old time G-man, businessman, whatever.  The other parent gamely asked if he was dressed up as a gangster.  Now, some necessary background information is that this child is of Vietnamese background, and looks completely 100% Asian.  But hey, it's Halloween, we don't have to stereotype by race or ethnicity, right?

After all, when invited to a Disney themed Halloween party for grownups, I opted to be a lady pirate a la  Pirates of the Caribbean, rather than Mulan, the only Asian Disney female I can think of.  I suppose I could pass for Pocahontas too.  BORING.  Pirates have more fun!

Anyway, the costumed child looked incredulously at the friendly parent and said indignantly, "No, not a gangster!  I'm Michael Jackson!"

I came to her rescue, exclaiming, "Of course you are, honey!  We just didn't recognize you without your white glove!"

Math Enrichment vs. Camp Galileo

We have in years past sent our boys to Camp Galileo. They are all over the Bay Area, and we have been very happy with them.  The focus on creativity, with science added in, has been FABULOUS.  Fridays included special ending ceremonies, songs and skits, and piles of architectural wonders.  Roller coasters, bridges, all types of art set within their historical context ("This is surrealism, mommy").  It also seemed like they learned a new version of Tag every day!  The kids were always jazzed, and maybe mildly heat-stroked from all the outside time.  Good times, man.

Teddy has aged out of the program now, and Barley always was happier when Teddy went to Galileo with him.  He opted not to attend Galileo this simmer since Teddy could not go with him.  Given the $350 price tag--over $400 by the time extended care was added--that was fine with us, actually.  But part of us were sad that he would opt out of this very rich, very creative experience.

Instead, he is back in Math Enrichment this summer.  He went last summer too, and really enjoyed both the daily math, but also the structure of program.  While Teddy is a free spirit, and loves anything new, thrilling, different, exciting, Barley prefers to know what is coming next.  Based on behavior and other signs of anxiety, we could tell the daily school-like routine was much less stressful for him than changing camps every week.

This week is the first week of summer programs.  Barley was going all negative on me last week, depressed that his friends were not coming to Math Enrichment with him (don't call it Math Camp a la iCarly, he will correct you!).  He also learned he would miss a trip to laser tag, with the summer camp his brother is going to.  I was worried that he would decide not to have fun, and a miserable 8 weeks would be ahead of us.

Luckily, he has met up with some friends from last summer, and is getting back into the routine.  He has been extolling the virtues of Math Enrichment over Camp Galileo all week at pickup time.  It seems some of the "zany fun" that Galileo encourages, actually embarrassed Barley.  Mind you, he's been going there for 3 years before this, and he never before mentioned not liking any part of it.  Some of this might be revisionist history.  However, it does make some sense that our rigid, inflexible, averse to change child might have been less comfortable in an environment which was such a perfect one for our Steve Martin-esque class clown.  I'm glad we signed Barley up for math again this summer, since he loves it so much.  And I am also glad we persuaded Teddy NOT to attend Math Enrichment, and found more new and enriching programs for him instead.

Teddy's joy this week?  He re-discovered Gary Larson's Far Side cartoons at the library.  All week, he's been showing us the cartoons from the book he borrowed.  To him, they are fresh new humor, absurdly funny!  To us, they remind us of our college days, full of sarcasm and irony.  It's been fun reliving these old gems with him.

That's TEN lifesavers rolls, Dad!

The school year and soccer season have passed by in a 2-week BLUR of activity.  End of school year parties, field trips, and end of soccer season celebrations have our family running on a 2-week sleep deprivation state.  Hopefully the summer routine will kick in soon.  Except, summer doesn't have much of a routine.  Between camping trips, 4th of July weekend, and horizon-expanding summer camp experimentation, every week looks completely different from the last.  We all just have to strap in and enjoy the ride.  Most of the craziness is from fun and positive experiences.  It would just be easier to relax if DH and I didn't have to keep working and paying bills while we were at it.

Anyway, there have been two very good news items I meant to share with you all.

The first is that soccer ended on a positive note!  While Barley has been spending time as goalie, and has the instincts of a Defender, he  does still play Forward occasionally.  When he does, he has previously lacked the confidence/aggression to go to the goal.  He'll kick it to the other team's side, but then hangs back instead of following the ball to the goal.

As an extra motivator, some of the parents have offered their children cash rewards for goals kicked.  Some of the more savvy players have attempted to negotiate fees for assists, or goals blocked as well, since these are just as important.  They are right--but we've stood firm--actual goals kicked in by yourself.  Fortunately, there have not been enough instances of ball-hogging that these have been a problem thus far.

We've had that standing deal with Barley for a full year, and he hasn't collected yet.  DH changed the offer a few weeks ago, to 5 rolls of the old-fashioned hard lifesavers candies.  We recently re-discovered them.  Mostly you see the soft gummy versions these days.  DH would dole out one single lifesaver at the start of each game, and told Barley that if he kicked in a goal, he would earn 5 entire rolls all for himself!  (Note, this is cheaper than $5, but I think the concrete idea of that much sugar was more of an enticement)

Well, he did it.  Not once, but TWICE.  The very last game of the Finals, he attempted to pass to a teammate, and it went into the goal "by accident".  One week later, a scrimmage against a new team forming for Fall, and Barley did it again.  Yes, that's TEN rolls of Lifesavers hard candy.  Teddy instantly claimed his cut of 40%--4 rolls for him, 6 for Barley.  (They often pool funds and goodies--one sign that their relationship still has some substance as Teddy enters the Tween/Teen years)

The other delightful news is that Teddy made Honor Roll again!  He was utterly surprised, having expected his math grades would keep him off the list.  He'd even told me not to worry about it when I told him I couldn't make the awards ceremony due to work.  (Of course, the Asian mommy in me notices that he had all A's in all his other subjects, and if not for the B- in math, he could have been on Principal's List...) Still, I am glad he made it, since he had not done so in Winter.

Barley also brought home an excellent report card.  His academic marks were always strong, but we were glad to note his behavioral marks were all "S"s for "Satisfactory".  While our friends praised their daughter for her "O"s for "Outstanding", DH and I are grateful for the gains Barley has made this year.

And now on to summer camp...