Major Themes

I keep thinking of posts and half-finishing them. There are a lot of major themes going on in life right now, and they are too big or too personal to blog about. To avoid complete radio silence, I will try just summing up the themes, and maybe I will find a way later to explain in more detail:

• Starting with the good news--work is going well. I don't plan to go into a lot of detail here, and while more money, better title would always be appreciated, I must confess that I am content at the moment. My boss is giving me the right balance of challenge; enough to keep me interested, but not so much that I feel overwhelmed. This is a great change of pace from prior years where stress or utter boredom were the choices. And in these economic times, I am grateful to be employed and satisfied--seems like a miracle, actually.
  
  
• The boys are challenging us these days. Between Barley's anger management, and Teddy's crossing into the challenging "Tween" years, DH and I have our hands very full. There are days where I wish I could just walk away from everything. It is just as well that work is going OK for me, as I can really only handle 1 crisis in my life at a time. And I am grateful that there are 2 of us to handle the boys, as they would surely grind us down one at a time until there is nothing left but dust and frustrated intentions.
  
  
• The marriage is doing all right. Not enough couple time, but that is typical in Silicon Valley. Certainly we've weathered some nasty storms, but the sea is calming and the hull of the ship is intact. We're making good time to reach a safe port.
  
  
• Health is good all around. Physical health, anyway. Mental health is being challenged by the boys' developmental stuff. Hopefully we'll survive this patch and raise boys into respectable men.
  
  
• Wealth...well, that's not doing too well. Not a surprise in this economy, but with DH only working part-time, and our house now worth less than our mortgage (and we put 30% down!), that makes paying that fat old mortgage that much more depressing each month. We'll keep our fingers crossed with the rest of the country that things have to get better in a few years.
  
  
• Happiness seems to come and go with my hormones. There was a day earlier this week when everything in life seemed grand, and I could think about my life and see only the blessings I have to be grateful for--and there are many! I'll list them here to remind myself when hormones swing the other direction again in 20 minutes: health, job, marriage, beautiful bright boys, home, neighborhood, the president I wanted, living in America, living in California, friends, a precious hour to myself. Then I can almost feel the tide of brain chemicals turn, and the undertow of depression creeps in. Suddenly my rose-colored glasses fog up, and all I can see is everything that is not the way I want it in my life. A rough day with the boys can bring this on in just a few snarky comments, or a sharp kick or punch from Barley. Seeking indeed...but what?

There are other minor themes going on as well, but they take a back seat to the major ones. No solutions here today, or bright funny comments to wrap up with. Just my life as it is, and the reasons why some days I have a harder time coming up with clever, amusing posts than others.

For the moment, seeking caffeine, sugar, or some good escapist literature.