The first third of my life was all about the future. While I was blessed in childhood with a loving family, and middle class means to access most dreams I might hope for, my focus was always on tomorrow. School. College. Life. Accomplish and acquire--skills, people, things.
The next third of my life was about RESPONSIBILITY. Still all about the future, now both mine and my family's. Supporting my children's dreams, fulfilling my own potential, and saving for retirement.
If I should be blessed with an equal third of what remains of my life, I am resolved that I shall LIVE NOW. There have been unpleasant revelations the last few years. Nothing entirely surprising. The signs were all there for the more attentive or perspicuous to read. And suddenly I wonder what the hell it has all been for? If I am unhappy, why I am I still doing the same thing I've been doing all along? What can I change? And that is the key. What can I change about myself and my life? Because others cannot change, no matter how much they might want to please us.
Moving through the stages of grief:
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
Hard acceptances this last year:
- People are the way they are. They are not going to change, and many in fact are not capable of change.
- The division of labor will always be unequal. Can I live with that?
- Romantic fantasies are dead, were always false. What is there instead?
- Count up what is possible. Is it enough?
- What is the minimum you can accept to go on? Can you live on half that?
- How would it feel to put all those burdens down?
I'm a bit older than you are, but I till feel all the same things. I did reach for my dream of travel and we have been roaming the country in our RV for a few years now. But the most important thing I have come to realize is that only I can or will change myself or my life. In some ways we are all alone. But in almost everything we are doing what we are doing because it is our own choice. Ultimately we make our own situation.
ReplyDelete